“Go with the flow” is a term I hadn’t incorporated into my travel plans prior to meeting my boyfriend, Justin. Actually, I had never quite identified with a TikTok more than the whole “yeah, I could go with the flow, but what time does the flow start?” kind of gal. My type A personality really shines when it comes to trip planning, but what else do you expect from a marketing and events executive? Yes, there are absolutely mood boards, contact lists, folders with copies of passports, insurance and the limit does not exist when it comes to the number of tabs on my trip Excel documents.
Justin and I started dating a month before the world locked down—both avid travelers, it was always a popular topic of conversation in those early days, at the time we didn’t realize it would be nearly 18 months of dating before we were finally able to travel as a couple (thanks, COVID).
One thing we did realize was that we had very different travel styles, to put it simply. I titled this piece “love and suitcases,” but the reality was he was much more a backpack kinda guy and I had never dreamt of ‘packing light.’ So when the world (and by world, the Eastern provincial borders) finally opened up for us to take our first trip together, we jumped on it. Did I mention this was the first time I’d be traveling with a significant other? And since we didn’t live together at the time, it would also be the longest we’d spend together consecutively. There was a decent amount on the line where things could go very, very right—or very wrong.
Fast forward to today: we passed that first test with flying colours and since then have have been on multiple month-long trips together; traveled by planes, trains, boats and have rented multiple automobiles, driven on the right and wrong side of the road, including two weeks traveling New Zealand in a campervan named Willy—by far the tightest quarters I’d ever stayed in (if you don’t count eight girls in one RV at Boots and Hearts).
Did I ever think that at 33, two weeks in a campervan would be my idea of a vacation? Probably not. And if you ask Justin if he’d ever have ten tabs in an Excel document that outlined our trip? Absolutely not! But I guess compromise is something you do when you’re in love. Not to mention pushing each other outside of their comfort zone … did I mention Justin managed to convince me to do the highest bungee jump in New Zealand last March?
Now how can I help you? Well, if traveling is something you love, it can be important that your partner also enjoys it and ideally the two of you have compatible travel styles. And that doesn’t have to mean the same thing to the both of you, but you have to have an openness and awareness of each other’s wants, needs and even fears. As a side note, this doesn’t simply hold true for romantic relationships, I can speak from experience to say that it also matters for girls trips, family trips, etc., but with your significant other, this could be the person you travel with for the rest of your life, so hopefully you prioritize figuring it out!
What should you discuss before? Money, while not exclusive to travel, finances are an important topic of conversation. How do you budget for a trip? Do you like to build up your savings and pull from there? Or toss it all on the cc and it’s a problem for future you? Is food and drink an important part of your travel plans? Are you more of a McDonalds and save the money for activities? Hostels or hotels? Luckily, this is something Justin and I are very aligned on, we have a budget, but we don’t let it stop us from doing the things we love — find us the top steakhouse in Argentina and a late night cocktail bar, but then we may skip the odd breakfast or lunch. Or we book a camper for two weeks, but break every few days in an extra nice hotel. Which leads me to accommodations …
This was an area that Justin and I started pretty far apart on. He spent months on end backpacking, which meant getting really comfortable in a shared dorm hostel, whereas I love my personal space and the only shared dorm I’ve experienced was split with six of my closest girlfriends. Our happy medium involves splitting our travels between splurging on the occasional five-star hotel room and balancing that with saving in a private room in a hostel (with a private bathroom! No negotiation for me on this one).
One of the other big questions is do you vacation? Or do you travel? You might think these are one in the same, but I believe they are quite different. And of course you can balance the two, but some people will spend every vacation day at an all-inclusive resort, sipping on Mai Thais at the pool bar, whereas others immerse themselves in the culture, rent cars and pack in the adventures. Not to say you can’t do both, we often do, but it’s important to be on the same page.
Every one of these topics are conversations Justin and I have had (and truthfully continue to have every time we book a trip). Is traveling with your partner always sunshine and rainbows? No, but that wouldn’t be real (or fun!). Travel is an incredible way to learn about yourself, your partner and your relationship. You can see how a person solves a problem (have you ever been lost in a foreign country with no cell service?), how they handle pressure, how they treat other human beings (kindness, always please!) and how they navigate complex situations. But most importantly, travel has the ability to push you out of your comfort zone and, if you’re lucky, continue to fall in love all over the world.
